Breaking Bad S05E16: 'Felina'
Welcome back, meth heads, for the "Breaking Bad" series finale. Here you'll find the recap and review for "Breaking Bad" S0516, titled "Felina". My digital cable listing says, "The acclaimed crime drama comes to a close in the series finale." That's what happens in series finales, no? Also, this acknowledges that "Breaking Bad" is now a crime drama, and no longer a comedy-drama.
Walter White is on a cross-country ass-kick road-trip. Skyler is trying to keep her family together. Walt Jr. freakin' hates his dad. Jesse Pinkman is still Todd's meth-lab cook-monkey, though he's surely seething for revenge. Lydia is... well, I dunno where she is, but she's probably nervous.
Come on, you know I'm right.
- Breaking Bad S05E15 recap and review: Abandoned whiskey
- Breaking Bad in Vancouver: An evening with Vince Gilligan
Okay, let's not wax sentimental just yet. Instead... let's cook.
Weapons-grade spoilers ahead.
From Sweden with love
Walter White, clad in his Han Solo Hoth jacket and clutching the box of cash, finds an unlocked Volvo covered in snow, and climbs inside. He checks the glovebox, finding a only a screwdriver and a Marty Robbins cassette case (Yes! "El Paso" title theory confirmed!). As he tries —and fails— to hotwire the Volvo, we hear the smoke monster from "Lost" the cops approach. Blue-and-red lights, bright white flashlights through the snowed-over windows as the cops search for Heisenberg. Walt is hiding in plain sight. He pleads with the soon-to-be-stolen Volvo, "Just get me home. I'll do the rest." Walt flips down the sun visor, and the car keys drop into his hand. Like something out of a movie.
Walt starts the car, and we hear the strains of "El Paso."
This is a call
Walt pulls up at a New Mexico gas station, where he necks some cancer pills and fills up the Stole-vo. He feeds a payphone and calls Gretchen's and Elliott's publicist, who blithely gives up their schedule and home address to some random guy claiming to be from the New York Times. Turns out G&E will be home tonight. "This should make one hell of a story", Walt assures the publicist.
Walt leaves the watch Jesse gave him atop the payphone and hits the road. Why does he leave the watch, do you think?
Real players move in silence or violence
Gretchen and Elliott return to their palatial home, having one of those annoyingly cute married-couple mock arguments that make me pray for their agonizing deaths. Throughout the scene, we see Walter lurk closer and closer. Walt silently ninjas into the house as G&E playfully squabble. If this weren't a series finale, I could happily watch an entire episode of this.
Gretchen spots Walt, and she's like, O_o. Then Elliott is all, O_O. Walt wants to show them something. Elliott summons his inner badass, which turns out to be rather small. Walt says, "Elliott, if we're gonna go that way, you'll need a bigger knife."
Walt has G&E help him bring his remaining $9,720,000 in barrel money into their living room. He orders them to deliver it to Walt Jr. on his 18th birthday in the form of an irrevocable trust. Under no circumstances must Walt Jr. ever find out that the money came from Walt.
G&E are like, "Uh... okay." They shake on it, and then Walt drops some Keyser Soze: "Whatever happens to me tomorrow, spoiler alert, by the way, I hired some 'Splinter Cell' mofos to keep tabs on you. If you screw me over on this whole trust-fund thing, they'll pop his'n'hers caps in your respective asses. #NoSurvivors."
Sure enough, red laser dots are now decorating Gretchen's and Elliott's chests.
Walt then paints a spooky-ass picture of what will happen to them should they deviate from his criminally altruistic plan in any way.
Mission: accomplished. Walt strolls out like a boss as G&E go to change their shorts.
Down in the street, Walt's two snipers emerge from the bushes. Yes! I totally called it! It's Badger and Skinny Pete! They get in the Stole-vo and hand Walt their laser pointers Ha!). Skinny Pete says, "The whole thing felt kind of shady, yo, like, morality-wise?" Two stacks of cash help Jesse's old buddies to recalibrate their moral compasses.
Walt quizzes them about the Blue Sky still sold in ABQ. Badger and Skinny Pete presumed that Walt has been in town the entire time. Walt's like, "Nuh-uh, wasn't me." They figure it must be Jesse, since the Blue Sky is better than ever (or so Skinny Pete has heard).
Wouldn't it be cool if Walt just conjured up Badger and Skinny Pete during the rest of the episode, like the Cat in the Hat does with Thing 1 and Thing 2?
In my secret life
A clean-shaven Jesse lovingly crafts an artisanal wooden box. Alas, it's but a daydream. Jesse is in Hugh Jackman beardo mode, still chained to the meth-lab beam, every day a waking nightmare.
The road to ruin
We go through a brief montage of the opening scenes from S05E01 and 05E09, in which Walt collects the M60, revisits Rancho Depresso, and collects the ricin. He indulges in a brief flashback to the pilot episode, which is still saved on his internal TiVo. He remembers when Hank first offered to show him a meth lab. Okay, Walt, back to work.
Give 'em your elevator pitch
At the coffee shop, a pair of Louboutins stroll in. They're attached to Lydia Rodarte-Quayle. She sits down, walking right past Walt, not recognizing him because he's in Tommy Lee Jones mode. Lydia orders her tea, ruefully fondling the sole packet of Stevia.
Todd compliments Lydia on her shirt blouse, inadvertently distracting everyone with his atrocious flirting skills, giving Walt the opportunity to lurk up and sit down.He stops at the adjacent table for a sec, surely up to something completely innocent and unrelated to the story.
He tells Lydia and Todd that he has a new meth recipe that requires zero (0) methylamine, and for the low, low price of $1 million, he'll show Todd how to cook it. How did he know to find them here? Because Lydia is nothing if not a creature of habit. Lydia asks for a second pack of Stevia. Rather than walk all the way back to the serving area, the waiter grabs a pack from the adjacent table.
Lydia brushes Walt off, and he leaves with very little fanfare. Lydia condescends to Todd that there's no effing way they're doing business with Vagrant Tommy Lee Jones. With that she stirs the second pack of Stevia into her tea.
Who puts the future in your hands? Robotix!
Out in an empty lot behind a burnt-out house, Walt is building a swivelbot, powered by a car battery and activated with his car alarm. the M60 is sitting just nearby, along with its instruction manual. As Walt tinkers with the device, he touches the wedding ring now worn around his neck.
I'm just tryin' to do me
In a smaller yet still depressing home, the phone rings and Skyler White answers. It's Marie, warning her now-estranged sister that Walt is back in town.
The cops have been getting phone calls that Walt is up to something big, possibly to stretch out the cops' resources. (Hahaha, it's Thing 1 and Thing 2!) Marie is sure that Walt will go after one of them or Walt Jr. Marie assures Skyler that Walt will get caught, despite the fact that "that arrogant asshole thinks he's some criminal mastermind". Skyler thanks her sister and hangs up.
Guess what, though? Walt's been in the kitchen with Skyler the entire time! You got Heisenberged, Marie. You got Heisenberged.
Walt assures Skyler that the neo-Nazi meth gang that visited her house in S05E14 will not be coming back, dot dot dot. Walt continues his lie about not having any money [actually, I guess he's not exactly lying], but he gives Skyler the lottery ticket, the one that will lead the cops to Hank's and Gomez' bodies. He tells Skyler to trade it for an immunity deal.
Walter finally admits to Skyler and to himself, "I did it for me. I liked it. I was good at it. And I was alive."
Walt says goodbye to Holly and leaves as Walt Jr. comes home. Since the cops seized Walt's rapidly-expanding fleet of domestic cars, Walt Jr. is reduced to taking the bus. Oh, the indignity.
Walt slinks off before his son can see him.
It's showtime
After dark, Walt pulls up at the neo-Nazi meth gang's compound. Naztache escorts him in after some small talk about the car. "No replacement for displacement," he says. Heh.
Walt parks the car how he wants, dammit, and submits to a pat-down. They hold onto Walt's wallet and keys (!!!) and escort him in to see Uncle Jack.
Jack, who now apparently raiding Marie's wardrobe, tells Walt that he looks terrible, hair notwithstanding.
Jack hits Walt with some knowledge: there will be no million-dollar deal. Naztache puts a gun to Walt's head.
Walt thinks fast, telling Jack that he reneged on their deal: obviously Jesse is still alive and acting as Jack's partner. Jack's like, "Partner, schmartner! Todd, go get Jesse!"
Walt, Jack, and the Nazis wait around awkwardly while Todd does as he's told. Walt's able to get hold of his car keys.
Todd brings Jesse in. Jack's like, "Does this look like a partner to you? #DamnedHipsters"
Actually, Jesse is looking pretty Lord-of-the-Rings these days.
With a rebel yell, Walt tackles Jesse to the floor, frantically clicking his car alarm until the swivelbot springs into life.
... And spring into life it does: into glorious and deadly life. The M60 begins firing the way Tio Salamanca rang his bell: loudly and ceaselessly.
The robo-gun, which had been mounted inside Walt's trunk, empties its belt into the side of the neo-Nazi clubhouse, mowing down everyone unfortunate enough to be hip-high from the ground. Only Walt, Jesse, and Todd are unscathed. No, wait, Walt catches a round.
The M60 runs out of ammo, but the swivelbot keeps on swivelin'. The neo-Nazis just learned a thing or two about mass murder. You got Heisenberged, neo-Nazis. You got Heisenberged.
Todd is still alive... at least until Jesse strangles him to death with his chains. If you think about it, this turn of events leaves his chances of hooking up with Lydia unchanged.
Uncle Jack survived the car-mageddon, and tries to bargain for his life, telling Walt that only he knows where the rest of Walt's meth money is. "You pull that trigger, you' never—"
Well, okay, then. Walt then kicks the gun over to Jesse, who wastes no time in pointing it the guy who flunked him in chemistry class.
Walt tells Jesse to shoot him, that he wants to. Noticing that Walt is grievously wounded, Jesse insists, "Say you want this!" Walt says, "I want this."
Jesse is like, "Then do it yourself," and walks away.
A phone is ringing. The ringtone is "Lydia the Tattooed Lady", so of course it's Lydia calling on Todd's phone. Todd uses the Groucho Marx version, but I prefer Kermit the Frog's.
Lydia asks, "Is it done?" Walt's like, "Yup." Lydia is all, O_o. She looks like crap, and she's got the humidifier going. Walt tells her that ricin is the cause of all that ails her. "I slipped it into that Stevia crap that you're always putting in your tea. #DeadSoon"
You got Heisenberged, Lydia. You got Heisenberged.
Walt says, "Well... goodbye, Lydia," and throws the phone aside.
This is where we part ways
In the darkened parking lot, Walt and Jesse share a long look, and they come to a silent understanding.
Jesse gets into an El Camino and drives through the compound gate, off into the night and into the world.
Walt is now having trouble walking. As the swivelbot continues to swivel, Walt goes to inspect the compound's meth lab. He looks around with appreciation and resignation. He picks up a gas mask, puts it down.
We can hear police sirens as Johnny Law closes in. We also hear Badfinger's "Baby Blue".
Walt stares at a stainless steel tank, places his hand on it, falls down, dies. The cops storm in, but they're too late.
Walter White is gone. Heisenberg is gone.
Credits.
'Breaking Bad' S05E16 review
Yeah, bitch! That's how you do a series finale! Not only did "Breaking Bad S05E16 deliver, but it took its sweet time doing it, and didn't sacrifice those long silences and prolonged interactions for the sake of cramming too much in. Going back to the dichotomy set forth by Vince Gilligan at the VIFF forum, "Felina" went with suspense and dread over surprise.
Of course, the episode was not without its surprises. For example, Walt's foray from chemistry into the exciting field of robotics. Badger and Skinny Pete fitting into Walt's endgame. Every single character not ending up dead.
Overall, what the “Breaking Bad” team has given us is nothing less than an American cultural treasure: a rich and audacious story that wasn’t afraid to treat us like grownups, and that left us wanting more. During the “Breaking Bad” event in Vancouver, Damon Lindelof said, “We're absolutely sure that you'll stick the landing,” and stick the landing Vince Gilligan did.
This episode consummated the promise of the entire series: We had to find out what Walt would do when there was truly no way out. We had to see if he was as clever as he thought he was.
Beyond that, "Breaking Bad" made us look at ourselves by dint of framing the story around a man on a ticking clock. The storylines in this series were really simple compared to those of other shows. This was a series that wasn't afraid to get deviant, but more importantly it wasn't afraid to take its time.
I give "Breaking Bad" S05E16, "Felina", five robotic machine guns out of a possible five. I'd give it another machine gun if any more would fit in the trunk.
'Breaking Bad' dead pool
I've brazenly played with our antiheroes' lives over the past two months, much like Sir Laurence Olivier in "Clash of the Titans". Let's see how I did.
What Happened: | What I Predicted: | Result: |
Walter White: Dead x_x | Dead x_x | Yeah, bitch! |
Jesse Pinkman: Alive :) | Alive :) | Yeah, bitch! |
Skyler White: Alive :) | Dead x_x | Ding!Ding!Ding! |
Lydia Rodarte-Quayle: Dead x_x | Dead x_x | Yeah, bitch! |
Walt, Jr.: Alive :) | Alive:) | Yeah, bitch! |
Holly: Alive. :) | Alive :) | Yeah, bitch! |
Marie: Alive :) | Dead x_x | Ding!Ding!Ding! |
Todd Alquist: Dead. x_x | Dead x_x | Yeah, bitch! |
Uncle Jack: Dead x_x | Dead x_x | Yeah, bitch! |
Neo-Nazi gang: Dead x_x | Dead x_x | Yeah, bitch! |
Badger & Skinny Pete: Alive :) | Alive :) | Yeah, bitch! |
Saul Goodman: Alive. :) | Alive :) | Yeah, bitch! |
Okay, so not too bad. I was so sure about Skyler, though. Oh, and I still want Badger and Skinny Pete to have their own sci-fi-centric series.
How as the "Breaking Bad" series finale for you? Satisfied? Thrilled? Furious? Is there an ending you'd have preferred? Feel free to weigh in via the Comments section below.
Thank you all for reading, and for following such an epic show with me this season.
Have an A1 day.